why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
