my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
