hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
FUCK WHALES
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
