The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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