People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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