I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
