I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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