@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
