what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
