im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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