True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
