I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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