She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
