she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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