Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
