Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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