It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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