Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
