no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
