You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
