I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
