You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
ugly people sure do ruin things
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
