It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
