do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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