dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
