I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
