3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
