yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
