so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
