Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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