Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
