where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
