I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
