The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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