Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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