i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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