Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Randomize
