it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
