It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
