I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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