My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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