just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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