brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
