you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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