I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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