Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
