I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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