Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I cut my penus on the lid.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
