Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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