Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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