At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
