I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
