Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
