We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
