i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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